To every German person reading this: Please read my previous blog about all the good things about Germany! You’ll have much more fun, and be far less offended…
Just kidding. There’s nothing that makes me want to leave the country immediately whenever I see it. I just have a few things I want to get off my English chest. So here goes…
1) German supermarkets are 20 years behind
If you go to a German supermarket, no matter what for, expect to be disappointed. This is the mindset I have to have now to be satisfied with a shop at my local supermarket. My original plan was to make a real effort with my cooking this year. I had the intention of buying loads of fresh food, herbs and spices so that I could cook some really nice meals in the ridiculous amount of free time I have.
I like food from all around the world: Fajitas, Stir Fries, Curries, Pasta. So I really intended to continue cooking interesting, international food. I came out of the supermarket with a pizza and two microwave-cheeseburgers. German supermarkets seem about 20 years behind ours, despite Germany having the strongest economy in Europe. You can buy anything from a Sat-Nav to a pushchair in my local Tesco. The nearest supermarket to me sells chocolate, crisps, very cheap alcohol, slippers (?) and a load of packs of processed sausages.
But that’s not the worst bit. Having already waited 10 minutes for the Germans to stop pushing in front of you in the queue, you then approach the cashier and prepare for the biggest race of your life. If you’re not ready, you’re in trouble. I was not ready. The cashier puts your items through the till at lightning speed, normally achieving a sub-ten-seconds time and leaving you with a massive pile of shopping that you have to cram into your bag in a nervous rush. The cashier at my local supermarket literally drips with sweat all the way through his shift. Oh, and by the way, don’t expect to find free shopping bags anywhere like in England. The cashier then barks the price at you as quickly as possible, meaning you’ll inevitably not understand how much it costs, and you are left looking and feeling far more foreign than ever before.
2) Efficiency is a myth!
Before coming to Germany, I was looking forward to the stereotypical German efficiency and punctuality. Putting my trust in German trains, I gave myself as little time as possible to change trains. I have now been on three long journeys, and every single time the train has been at least 10 minutes late. Efficiency is a myth!
3) Cold early mornings
My school starts at 7.30am. Naturally, this means that if I am needed for the first lesson, I will freeze on my bike on the way to school. I go to school wearing my thickest coat, gloves and a scarf, and then return in the afternoon when it’s actually very warm. Of course, I boil on the way back because I have to wear the same coat I wore on the way to school earlier that day because it won’t fit in my bag. I’m still trying to figure out how to get around this problem.
4) Manners can backfire
In my previous post, I said that German people are, in fact, really nice, friendly people. And I stick by this. But one thing that really annoys me is that British manners are only useful in Britain. Firstly, I am beginning to realise that us Brits are far too polite. Here, I have had to teach myself not to hold a door open for someone if it will take more than around 2 seconds to wait, not to thank a driver for letting me cross at a zebra crossing, and not to say sorry every time I get in someone’s way. And here comes the worst bit. If you give someone money for something and say thank you, it means keep the change. Of course, I didn’t know this when I paid 20 euros for two pizzas worth 14, nor when I used a 20 euro note for the world’s biggest Schnitzel, worth 16 euros with a drink. Now, I find myself saying “danke, shit!”. British manners can backfire.
5) Pfand
In Germany, they make a real point of recycling your bottles. So much so that you get money for taking them back. Even in clubs, you get a token with your drink, and if you bring both back, you get a euro. However, when you are in a packed club having a good time with your mates, recycling is not exactly the first thing on your mind. I find myself embarking on a bottle hunt before leaving a club, to try and get back the 5 euros of Pfand that I am owed.
6) I look like I’m a pupil in my school
I hate the fact that German school’s don’t have a uniform. Not only because I am jealous that I had to wear a blazer, shirt and tie, but mainly because there is no differentiation between teachers and students. I am constantly mistaken for a pupil, so much that I get funny looks going into my shared office every morning.
Rant over. At least there were more good things than bad!